I am Not a Victim


Storyline, Module 3 – we are to take our negative turns in life and not make them positive or look at them as something that wasn’t tragic, but see the redemptive nature of these events in our lives.

I look back on my life and praise God for all the blessing I have.  I see very little negative turns in my life at this point.  I believe that is because of God.  I am way past being a victim.

The events in my childhood could be very traumatic and some people would have turned it into a spiral leading them to some place I have never been.  

I do know that some events in my life, I was my own worse enemy.   I believe I beat myself up for my circumstances more then once, but I am past the victim game.  

I want to share my tragedy to show that people can make a difference in life no matter where their life starts.

We begin with the beginning of sixth grade.  I was so excited to be in the class.  My brother had this teacher and he loved her.  So I was looking for the same kind of year.  I was encouraged for this was my last year in elementary school.  The beginning was a good 4 weeks, because the teacher was out on sick leave.  When she returned – it was hell.  I remember getting the finger in my chest and being told I was stupid.  I remember the day, the back bulletin board was dressed with all the stuff my brother sent me from Apollo mission and the Air Force.  I was proud of my work on that bulletin board.  So when the real teacher returned and asked who did the bulletin board in the back… I raised my hand with confidence.  Then only to be told that the crap needed to be gone by the end of the day.  She hated the board.  I believe that was the beginning of my demise that year.  

She also had this habit that children would come in early or stay late to complete assignments… so I was coming in early and staying late to try and catch up.  It wasn’t working.  She wouldn’t return assignments – so I didn’t know what was right or wrong, but had to redo over and over until I received a passing grade.

Then I began, not sleeping and crying for hours and hours.  More and more a spiral into hell.  I developed an ulcer and was very sick.  It was a time of craziness.  I worried about everything.  My father’s health wasn’t great and I worried about losing him as well.  I was definitely a victim.

I respond to her abuse with pulling deep inside myself.  I didn’t want to be seen or heard in class and I worked hard to miss as many days as possible.  

The day we went for the conference with teacher and principal was a day I saw my first adult lie. She said she liked me and didn’t know how I could think otherwise.  Principal said it would be best if I wasn’t taken out of the school.  So instead of getting a life saver that day… I was throw into the water with sharks.   I barely made it out of sixth grade, but I did.  

I wanted to be my best, but I was consumed with hatred and despair, but I did get over it and I did get my life back on track.  Now the biggest significant reason is God.

I met God in the verses of Psalm 25

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.

Show me Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
 Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day.

God redeemed me and made me whole.  If anyone out there is in despair and feeling alone.  Please read Psalm 25 and find comfort in God.  He is there to lead us to truth and teach us.  He is our only salvation in this crazy world.  You know when I was a child I didn’t know what the truth was, but now I know that the truth in the Bible leads us to Christ.

Christ is the truth and he is the only way to salvation.

I can tell you at 55 1/2 years of age – I Am Not a Victim.  I am a redemptive soul in Christ.


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